Sexual Child Abuse Knows No Gender

Male Sexual Abuse Survivors face the same emotional, mental, physical and spiritual trauma women survivors face with two exceptions–they judge themselves more harshly, and they have difficulty recognizing/believing they have been abused.

David Finkelhor and J. Bziuba-Leatherman’s studies reveal 31% of boys are sexually abused by age 18. Finkelhor, David and J. Dziuba-Leatherman. “Victimization of Children.” American Psychologist Vol. 49:3 (1992): 173-183.

Men’s indoctrination since childhood dictates that they are to prove their sexual prowess. Sexual activity, for boys as young as 12, is seldom considered inappropriate. More often than not, sexual activity is considered an early introduction to manhood. Therefore, if an older girl initiates sex with a younger boy, he considers it an introduction to sex, proving his manliness. Additionally, men are indoctrinated to defend themselves against all odds–to fight to the death to protect their manliness. They are expected to risk their life or sustain severe injury to protect their pride and self-respect. These distorted beliefs about manliness and masculinity are deeply ingrained and can lead to intense feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy for the male survivor.
Both male and female survivors generally question whether they deserved or somehow wanted to be sexually abused; they believe if they failed to defend themselves, they must have wanted it.

Although, both female and male survivors frequently view their abuse as a loss of manhood or femininity and are disgusted with themselves for not fighting back, men judge themselves more harshly. As a result of their guilt, shame and anger, both men and women punish themselves by engaging in self-destructive behavior such as self-injury, acting out rage, etc., as well as alcohol or drug use, prostitution, rape and numerous other criminal behaviors.

For some men self-destructive behavior means engaging in aggressiveness, such as road rage, arguing with friends or co-workers, or picking fights with strangers, as well as domestic violence as a way to regain their honor. Both men and women pull back from intimacy and end up feeling more and more isolated.

Society’s most devastating myth about child sexual abuse is that boys can’t be sexually abused. The perpetuation of this myth leaves boys more vulnerable to being abused.

Fact: Masculine gender socialization instills in boys the belief they are to be strong; they should learn to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children and are as vulnerable as girls. They cannot really fight back against the sex offender. A sex offender generally has greater size, strength, knowledge, or a position of authority, using such resources as money or other bribes, or outright threats–whatever advantage the sex offender can take to get what they want.

The following publications attest to the prevalence of male sexual child abuse.

o Crime of rape knows no gender lines, Jennifer Hong, Columbia Missourian, June 11, 1995.

o For the Man Who is Sexually Assaulted from the Orange County Rape Crisis Center (North Carolina).

o For Men Only: For Male Survivors of Sexual Assault, Counseling & Mental Health Center, University of Texas at Austin.

o Male Rape from the National Victim Center cites a few statistics, provides a good and sensitive overview of the subject and includes references and a bibliography, but no links to other resources on the Web.

o Male Rape – The hidden trauma is a review by LIAM O COILEAIN of a television program of the same name that was aired in Ireland on February 29, 1996. It mentions the Dublin Rape Crisis Center listed above under hotlines.

o Male Rape Victims Subject to Ridicule by Jeremy Seabrook for the (British?) New Statesman & Society (April 27, 1990)

o “Male Sexual Assault” is a public education brochure available from the New York City Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project (AVP) (1999.09.23: Found new URL, restored link)

o Male sexual assault not uncommon, Reuters Health, March 26, 1999. According to a report published in the British Medical Journal 1999;318:846-850, 2,500 British men were surveyed. 3% reported they had been sexually assaulted as an adult, and nearly half of them were assaulted by women.

o Male Survivors of Sexual Assaults from RPEP, the Rape Prevention Education Program of the University of California at Davis, maintained by Alexander Orland.

o Memories of Rape is a chilling and courageous first-person account of ongoing rape, assault and abuse in prison by David Pittman, hosted by Stop Prisoner Rape.

o Men don’t get raped!, Ernest Woollett, Survivors, PO Box 2470, London W2 INN

o Men Raped: Supporting the Male Survivor of Sexual Assault on the College Campus, Lester J. Manzano, no date available.

o Men and sexual assault, Linda Oakleaf

o More male veterans reporting that they were sexually assaulted, Philadelphia Inquirer, September 27, 1997 (1998.10.02: no Web link available)

o Myths and Facts About Sexual Violence from the National Coalition Against Sexual Assault (NCASA) includes a section headed “MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT MALE RAPE.”

o No Safe Place: A male survivor of sexual abuse confronts his past in a Monterey California support group, Mary Barker, Herald Staff Writer, March 21, 1997, Monterey, CA

o Rape of Males by the late Stephen Donaldson of Stop Prisoner Rape, from Encyclopedia of Homosexuality, Wayne R. Dynes, ed., 1990, NY: Garland Publications.
Alternate: Rape of Males, mirrored by Ellen Spertus.

o Rape’s Unnoticed Victim by Susan Wachob (1999.09.11: Updated URL)

o Sexual abuse of men and boys by Dez Wildwood, who identifies as a man who has been sexually assaulted in this article written for XY magazine in Australia

o Sexual Assault, Chapter 14 in the US Department of Justice’s online National Victim Assistance Academy, is a general resource that is largely gender-neutral, addresses issues and needs of male survivors (“victims”) as well as female, and examines changing role of gender in defining rape and sexual assault.

o Silent Victims: Bringing Male Rape Victims Out of the Closet by Sue Rochman, originally published in The Advocate, Issue 582, July 30, 1991, p40.

o Survivors are ashamed by the taboo, the Rape Network

o To a Man Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted from Coordinated Community Response for Sexual Assault of Dane County, Wisconsin, attributed to “a man who had been sexually assaulted and counseled at St. Vincent’s Rape Crisis Program” [New York City, listed under Hotlines].

o When the survivor is male by Linda Oakleaf, Rape Victim Advocates, Illinois

The after effects of sexual abuse are no less devastating for men than woman and the healing process is essentially the same. Talk therapy is inadequate to uncover the emotional pain, and heal the trauma trapped in muscles and tissue. To fully appreciate the depth of this pain, I will quote one of my male clients, “Even my blood hurts.” A multifaceted healing process specifically focused on sexual abuse recovery and diligent work is the most effective; wherein the survivor can replenish their emotional and spiritual identity and empowerment.

Can Sexual Position Determine Baby Gender?

Is it true – can sexual position determine baby gender?

Myths, lies old wives tales and hoaxes floating around trying to tie sexual positions to specific baby gender have been around for years – probably since they’ve been making babies! I’m sure you’ve probably read a few by now – have you gotten any answers that have sounded even partly plausible?

Some of my research into how to get the specific baby gender through sexual intercourse positions has resulted in major scientific institutions publicly stating that they have no research that proves one way or the other!

However, I think that I can show you some physiological logic that may make some practical sense – and maybe offer some practical solutions to choose your baby’s gender through specific sexual positions.

Male sperm (the ones with a “Y” chromosome) have been scientifically proven to be fast swimmers, champion sprinters, but with a short life of about 24 hours. The female sperm (those that carry an “X”), are the long-distance athletes. They don’t move as fast as the males, but they can live much longer – typically up to 72 hours in a woman’s body.

If you want a boy, all you have to do is make sure that a sperm with a “Y” chromosome fertilizes the waiting egg – that’s it! On the other hand, if the egg gets fertilized with by a sperm that carries an “X” chromosome, then you’ll bet a beautiful baby girl! Most experts say that whichever sperm fertilizes the egg is a random event – no one has any control over the event. But, given the differences in the sperm, is this really true? Is it really random?

Now that we know these basic characteristics, logic can reveal which sexual positions can take advantage of either sperm’s strong points.

How To Make A Baby Boy

If you want to make a baby boy, you should make it as easy as possible for the “Y” chromosome sperm to win the race to the egg. With great speed, but a short life, that male sperm should be deposited as close to the egg as possible. In this instance, the good old missionary position is best – with maximum penetration and the woman on her back to allow as clear a path as possible. For the best results as the man ejaculates, the woman should move her legs as close to her breasts as possible.

Also, some say that timing is as important as sexual position. The closer that intercourse is to ovulation, the better chance you’ll have a boy. Have frequent intercourse about a day before ovulation. To make sure sperm count is as high as possible, have the man wear boxers – heat destroys sperm, and you want plenty of sperm for a successful implantation.

How to Make A Baby Girl

Given what we know about male vs. female sperm, you would want none – or very few – male sperm to reach the egg. So, for the best chance for a baby girl, you should deposit sperm farther away from the egg – so that the male sperm “die off” early, allowing the slower, but longer lasting female sperm to reach the egg. Shallow penetration should be used here – usually from the rear (doggie-style).

Again, the timing issue is noted as well. Since the female sperm is a slow swimmer, you would want to deliver the sperm no earlier than 4 days before ovulation. And, you ovulate about 14 days into your cycle. This method again uses timing – taking advantage of the slower but longer-lived sperm to make a baby girl. The thought is to have the sperm ready and at the fallopian tube as the egg is released. Don’t forget – no sex for a week afterwards! You might introduce some fast-swimmers into the mix and get a boy!

No matter what you’ve heard if sexual position can determine baby gender, there appears to be some truths to the myths. No guarantees, of course. But logic and reasoning would tell us that it could be possible.

No matter if you end up with a boy or a girl, just be thankful that he or she is born healthy and happy to a loving family!

Criminal Defense Attorney Gives Opinion On Why Sexual Harassment Should Be Ended

It’s unlawful to harass someone (an applicant or employee) because of that person’s sex. Harassment range from “sexual harassment” or unwanted sexual advances, demands for sexual favors, and other spoken or bodily harassment of a sexual character. Harassment doesn’t have to be of a sexual nature, nevertheless, and can contain offensive comments regarding a person’s sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a lady by producing unpleasant remarks about women in general. Both prey and the harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the prey and harasser could be the same gender.

These actions can cause legal responsibility only if they’re based on the affected employee’s gender and are serious or persistent, as explained within the next section. Nevertheless, even if unwanted behavior falls short of a legal abuse, employers have ethical and company motives as well as legitimate benefits to cope with and correct that conduct at its earliest stages. The conduct constituting sexual harassment is not at all times sexual in character. One court held that a man’s violent bodily assault on a woman was sexual harassment because the attack was based on the woman’s sex, even though there was nothing sexual about the assault itself.

Sexual harassment is undesirable and unwelcome action, or attention, with a sexual nature which disrupts your life and your capability to perform at the office, house, or university. Sexual advances, compelled sexual activity, claims about sexual orientation or sexuality, demands for sexual favors, along with other verbal or bodily conduct of a sexual character all constitute sexual harassment. The action may be direct or suggested. This action can have an effect on a person’s work or school performance, and can produce a daunting, hostile, or unpleasant atmosphere. The factors behind sexual harassment at work can be complicated and steeped in socializing, politics, and psychology. Work relationships can be quite intimate and extreme, and those involved share common interests.

Employee’s are dependent upon each other for teamwork as well as assistance, and are dependent on their supervisor’s acceptance for possibilities and job success. Superiors and business employers can grow accustomed to the power they’ve got over their employees. Such closeness and depth can cloud the professional limits and cause people to step over the line.

It’s great for the victim to immediately inform the harasser that the particular conduct is unwanted and must stop. The victim must use any company complaint mechanism or grievance program available. Whenever examining allegations of sexual harassment, the authorities look at the whole record: the conditions, such as the nature of the sexual advances, plus the framework in which the alleged incidents happened. A determination on the accusations is made from the facts on a case-by-case schedule.

Prevention is the best tool to get rid of sexual harassment in the workplace. Business employers are encouraged to take the appropriate steps necessary to prevent sexual harassment from occurring. They should clearly communicate to staff that sexual harassment will not be tolerated. They can do so by setting up a good complaint or grievance method and taking instant and suitable action whenever an employee complains.

Gender Differences In Learning Style Specific To Science, Technology, Engineering And Math – Stem

There are gender differences in learning styles specific to science, math, engineering and technology (STEM) that teachers of these subjects should keep in mind when developing lesson plans and teaching in the classroom. First, overall, girls have much less experience in the hands-on application of learning principles in lab settings than boys. This could occur in the computer lab, the science lab, or the auto lab – the principle is the same for all of these settings – it requires an overall technology problem-solving schema, accompanied by use and manipulation of tools, and spatial relation skills that very few girls bring with them to the classroom on day one in comparison to boys.

Let’s look at some of the reasons why girls come to the STEM classroom with less of the core skills needed for success in this subject area. Overall, girls and boys play with different kinds of games in early childhood that provide different types of learning experiences. Most girls play games that emphasize relationships (i.e., playing house, playing with dolls) or creativity (i.e., drawing, painting). In contrast, boys play computer and video games or games that emphasize building (i.e., LEGO®), both of which develop problem-solving, spatial-relationship and hands-on skills.

A study of gender differences in spatial relations skills of engineering students in the U.S. and Brazil found that there was a large disparity between the skills of female and male students. These studies attributed female student’s lesser skills set to two statistically significant factors: 1) less experience playing with building toys and 2) having taken less drafting courses prior to the engineering program. Spatial relations skills are critical to engineering. A gender study of computer science majors at Carnegie-Mellon University (one of the preeminent computer science programs in the country) found that, overall, male students come equipped with much better computer skills than female students. This equips male students with a considerable advantage in the classroom and could impact the confidence of female students.

Are these gender differences nature or nurture? There is considerable evidence that they are nurture. Studies show that most leading computer and video games appeal to male interests and have predominantly male characters and themes, thus it is not surprising that girls are much less interested in playing them. A study of computer games by Children Now found that 17% of the games have female characters and of these, 50% are either props, they tend to faint, have high-pitched voices, and are highly sexualized.

There are a number of studies that suggest that when girls and women are provided with the building blocks they need to succeed in STEM they will do as well if not better than their male counterparts. An Introductory Engineering Robotics class found that while males did somewhat better on the pre-test than females, females did as well as the males on the post-test following the class’s completion.

Another critical area of gender difference that teachers of STEM should keep in mind has less to do with actual skills and experience and more to do with perceptions and confidence. For females, confidence is a predictor of success in the STEM classroom. They are much less likely to retain interest if they feel they are incapable of mastering the material. Unfortunately, two factors work against female confidence level: 1) most girls will actually have less experience with STEM course content than their male counterparts and 2) males tend to overplay their accomplishments while females minimize their own. A study done of Carnegie Mellon Computer Science PhD students found that even when male and female students were doing equally well grade wise, female students reported feeling less comfortable. Fifty-three percent of males rated themselves as “highly prepared” in contrast to 0% of females.

It is important to note that many of the learning style differences described above are not strictly gender-based. They are instead based on differences of students with a background in STEM, problem-solving, and hands-on skills learned from childhood play and life experience and those who haven’t had the same type of exposure. A review of the literature on minority students and STEM finds that students of color are less likely to have the STEM background experiences and thus are missing many of the same STEM building blocks as girls and have the same lack of confidence. Many of the STEM curriculum and pedagogy solutions that work for female students will also work for students of color for this reason.

Bridge Classes/Modules to Ensure Core Skills

Teachers will likely see a gap in the core STEM skills of female and minority students for the reasons described above. Below are some solutions applied elsewhere to ensure that girls and women (and students of color) will get the building block STEM skills that many will be missing.

Teachers in the Cisco Academy Gender Initiative study assessed the skill levels of each of their students and then provided them with individualized lesson plans to ensure their success that ran parallel to the class assignments. Other teachers taught key skills not included in the curriculum at the beginning of the course, such as calculating math integers and tool identification and use. Students were provided with additional lab time, staffed by a female teaching assistant, knowing that the female students would disproportionately benefit from additional hands-on experience.

Carnegie-Mellon University came to view their curriculum as a continuum, with students entering at different points based on their background and experience. Carnegie-Mellon’s new frame of a “continuum” is purposefully different than the traditional negative model in which classes start with a high bar that necessitates “remedial” tutoring for students with less experience, stigmatizing them and undermining their confidence. Below is a list of ideas and suggestions that will help ALL students to succeed in the STEM classroom.

1. Building Confidence

How do teachers build confidence in female students who often have less experience than their male counterparts and perceive they are behind even when they are not?

1) Practice-based experience and research has shown that ensuring female students have the opportunity to gain experience with STEM, in a supportive environment, will increase their confidence level.

2) Bringing in female role models that have been successful in the STEM field is another important parallel strategy that should be used to assist your female students in seeing themselves as capable of mastering STEM classes: if she could do it, then I can too!

3) Consistent positive reinforcement by STEM teachers of their female students, with a positive expectation of outcome, will assist them in hanging in there during those difficult beginning weeks when they have not yet developed a technology schema or hands-on proficiency and everything they undertake seems like a huge challenge.

2. Appealing to Female Interests

Many of the typical STEM activities for the classroom appeal to male interests and turn off girls. For example, curriculum in robots often involves monsters that explode or cars that go fast. “Roboeducators” observed that robots involved in performance art or are characterized as animals are more appealing to girls. Engineering activities can be about how a hair dryer works or designing a playground for those with disabilities as well as about building bridges. Teachers should consider using all types of examples when they are teaching and incorporating activities in efforts to appeal female and male interests. Teachers can also direct students to come up with their own projects as a way of ensuring girls can work in an area of significance to them.

Research also shows that there are Mars/Venus differences between the genders and how each engages in technology. Overall, girls and women are excited by how the technology will be used – its application and context. Men will discuss how big the hard drive or engine is, how fast the processor runs, and debate the merits of one motherboard or engine versus another. These are topics that are, overall, of less interest to most females.

The Carnegie-Mellon Study took into account the differences of what engages female students and modified the Computer Science programs’ curriculum so that the context for the program was taught much earlier on in the semester and moved some of the more technical aspects of the curriculum (such as coding) to later in the semester. Authors observed that the female students were much more positive about getting through the tedious coding classes when they understood the purpose of it. Teachers should ensure that the context for the technology they are teaching is addressed early on in the semester by using real world stories and case studies to capture the interest of all of their students.

3. Group Dynamics in the Classroom

Research studies by American Association of University Women and Children Now have found that most females prefer collaboration and not competition in the classroom. Conversely, most males greatly enjoy competition as a method of learning and play. Many hands-on activities in technology classes are set up as competitions. Robotics for example, regularly uses competitiveness as a methodology of teaching. Teachers should
be cognizant of the preference of many girls for collaborative work and should add-in these types of exercises to their classes. Some ways to do this are by having students work in assigned pairs or teams and having a team grade as well as an individual grade. (See Reading 2 on Cooperative Learning.)

Another Mars/Venus dynamic that STEM teachers should be aware of occurs in the lab there male students will usually dominate the equipment and females will take notes or simply watch. Overall, male students have more experience and thus confidence with hands-on lab equipment than their female counterparts. Teachers should create situations to ensure that their female students are spending an equal amount of time in hands-on activities. Some approaches have been: 1) to pair the female students only with each other during labs in the beginning of the class semester so that they get the hands-on time and their confidence increases, putting them in a better position to work effectively with the male students later on, 2) allot a specific time for each student in pair to use the lab equipment and announce when it’s time to switch and monitor this, and 3) provide feedback to male students who are taking over by letting them know that their partner needs to do the activity as well.

4. Moving Female Students from Passive Learners to Proactive Problem Solvers

The main skill in STEM is problem solving in hands-on lab situations. For reasons already discussed regarding a lack of experience, most girls don’t come to STEM classes with these problem-solving skills. Instead, girls often want to be shown how to do things, repeatedly, rather than experimenting in a lab setting to get to the answer. Adding to this issue, many girls fear that they will break the equipment. In contrast, male students will often jump in and manipulate the equipment before being given any instructions by their teacher. Teachers can address this by such activities as: 1) having them take apart old equipment and put it together again, 2) creating “scavenger hunt” exercises that force them to navigate through menus, and 3) emphasizing that they are learning the problem solving process and that this is equally important to learning the content of the lesson and insisting that they figure out hands-on exercises on their own.

Research has also shown that females tend to engage in STEM activities in a rote, smaller picture way while males use higher order thinking skills to understand the bigger picture and the relationship between the parts. Again, moving female students (and the non-techsavvy student in general) to become problem solvers (versus just understanding the content piece of the STEM puzzle) will move them to use higher order thinking skills in STEM.

Finally, many teachers have reported that many female students will often want to understand how everything relates to each other before they move into action in the lab or move through a lesson plan to complete a specific activity. The female students try to avoid making mistakes along the way and will not only want to read the documentation needed for the lesson, they will often want to read the entire manual before taking any action. In contrast, the male student often needs to be convinced to look at the documentation at all. Boys are not as concerned with making a mistake a long the way as long as what they do ultimately works. The disadvantage for female students is that they often are so worried about understanding the whole picture that they don’t move onto the hands-on activity or they don’t do it in a timely fashion, so that they are consistently the last ones in the class to finish. Teachers can assist female (and non-tech-savvy) students to move through class material more quickly by providing instruction on how to quickly scan for only the necessary information needed to complete an assignment.

5. Role Models

Since the numbers of women in STEM are still small, girls have very few opportunities to see female role models solving science, technology, engineering or math problems. Teachers should bring female role models into the classroom as guest speakers or teachers, or visit them on industry tours, to send the message to girls that they can succeed in the STEM classroom and careers.


Medina, Afonso, Celso, Helena B.P. Gerson, and Sheryl A. Sorby. “Identifying Gender Differences in the 3-D Visualization Skills of Engineering Students in Brazil and in the United States”. International Network for Engineering Eucation and Research page. 2 August 2004: [].

Milto, Elissa, Chris Rogers, and Merredith Portsmore. “Gender Differences in Confidence Levels, Group Interactions, and Feelings about Competition in an Introductory Robotics Course”. American Society for Engineering Education page. 8 July 2004: [].

“Fair Play: Violence, Gender and Race in Video Games 2001”. Children Now page. 19 August 2004: [].

“Girls and Gaming: Gender and Video Game Marketing, 2000”. Children Now page. 17 June 2004: [].

Tech-Savvy: Educating Girls in the New Computer Age. District of Columbia: American Association of University Women Educational Foundation, 2000.

Margolis, Jane and Allan Fisher. Unlocking the Computer Clubhouse: Women in Computer. Cambridge, MA: The MIT Press, 2003.

Taglia, Dan and Kenneth Berry. “Girls in Robotics”. Online Posting. 16 September 2004:

“Cisco Gender Initiative”. Cisco Learning Institute. 30 July 2004: [].

How You Can Determine The Gender Of Your Baby

There has been much debate over whether or not we should be able to determine the gender of our baby’s. Is it ethical, does it change the natural population ratio etc. While there is no medical intervention available to help you be able to do this there are certainly many natural ways that you can look at for natural gender selection. Let’s look at how you can determine the gender of your baby naturally.

No remembering that no method is 100% accurate, if you try as many methods as possible this will boost your chance to succeed for conceiving the baby boy or baby girl.

The methods we will discuss below are based on the differences associated with the X chromosome (how to conceive a girl) and the Y chromosome (how to conceive a boy). Once you grasp the differences, and select the appropriate methods you are create the perfect environment for that particular sperm to thrive and thus giving you the best chance to succeed.

Looking at the gender selection diet method

The X sperm needs an acid environment the Y sperm needs a more alkali environment. This is very important along with the PH level of the female body as this helps determine how thick the cervical discharge is and if your desired sperm can make it through. If you are trying to conceive a girl a diet rich in magnesium and calcium is what you are after, If you are trying to conceive a boy you would want a diet rich in potassium and sodium.

Sexual intercourse – the timing is critical

It may sound weird that the timing that you do it plays a part in the gender selection process, but it is another important component. If you are looking at how to conceive a boy you would want to have intercourse a day before you ovulate to help the sperm reach the egg as quickly as possible. If you looking at how to conceive a girl you would need to allow time for the Y sperm to die off. It is then best to have intercourse two to three days before ovulation, allowing the X sperm plenty of time to reach the final egg destination.

Sexual position – Finding the right one

Again along with the gender selection diet and timing of sexual intercourse, the third method is also a very important factor. The sexual position you are in when orgasm is reached can make all the difference and this is why. The Y sperm require a short trip to the egg, being released as close to the cervix as possible, this needs a position that allows for deep penetration. For a girl you would want a position that allows for shallow penetration, making it more difficult for the Y sperm to reach the egg first. This means the sperm is released further away from the cervix.